Piercing her bellybutton with a safety pin, she laughs at the grimace reflecting back at her. The tequila coursing through her body makes her feel bold and alive. Her thoughts cloud over in the pain and restlessness that rolls between her thumb and forefinger like a hard nipple. With a whisper, the endorphins pull a smile from her mouth. *The killer is a misplaced comma in the jaunty, happy sentence that made up the party crowd.
"Don't feel bad, sister, we all feel like we should know better by now, at least every once in a while. I hope to never be old enough to know better, old enough to not take risks. You have got to make me sleep with no more promises a little more. I want you to make me feel the dying as she makes a home in my soul in my bed again, tonight."
My buried secret is found by a derelict along the beaches of Time, pushed and pulled by the waves of frozen rage. Without a map, a message in a bottle floats along without a direction or a home, while we dine on and on a lunch of coconuts and graves.
"Give us a sneak peak, a striptease, into the unclaimed passions of your heart. Let us look into your heart and spit out the ugly pieces onto the silver platter that you only wish that you could own."
The pleasure bubbles and erupts from within. Keep your eye on the bullet as it passes through you. Love is a blind man walking into a wall that was painted neon for the sake of fashion. We are the home of our first beliefs. In the darkness, we plea with the sweet sound to save our souls. There is no happiness in hiding, in the secrets that you call your home.
"Make me a promise and never live to die, again."
"You try to convince me that I do not know anything, but it is just not true."
"Fuck you. I will find my own way home."
With that, she began to walk down the path towards the West. I did not expect to see her again. Maybe that was my biggest mistake. It did not take her long to appear right in the middle of my dreams. She did not visit just to say Hello. Digging her nails into my chest, she made me swear to never say, "I love you" to anyone again. Did I forget to tell you just how sorry that I am?"
"What are you sorry for?"
"I am sorry that I made you cry the first time."
"And what else?"
"I don't know if that will be good enough for me."
"What do you want of me? I have given you everything.
"I want more."
"Of course you want more, it is only natural. You are only human, fading in your own rinse cycle."
"But I tell you that there was something else. Something that I meant to say, it was a dream that walked through my sleep every night for two thousand years. Can you remember what it was exactly that you said? I have made a bed out of these tears. See? It is not so easy making lies out of reality."
"If I beat you, damnit, will you listen to me?"
"Let me pour you another nightmare, my darling. I will try to pretend that this is real."
"When you look at me, you see my breakfast of pain. I am too easy to roll over and make believe is dead. I am your sweet kiss goodbye. You think that I do not understand, but I do."
"See? The seams of reality are peeking through at you. There is no disguise that will make the stories seem more honest, maybe more funny. I taught you everything that you know. I am sorry to inform you that this gun is watching you. We take your licks and make them our own. I will not cry any more tears for you, even if you beg."
"But I am begging."
"Say it like you mean it."
"I never meant anything more."
"Do not tell me lies and then make me try to sleep next to them. I have had enough of your promises. Take your hocus pocus for a walk, my dear. I have nothing left to say to you. I will not be coming home, tonight."
So ended the war. In the obstinate morning, the clowns packed up their terrorist gear and walked away into the breaking sunrise. I never saw anyone lie like she did to me, that day. Just for the record, we never said goodbye.
© Razee Ink 2000-2009